Sunday, May 9, 2010

I Won't Grow Up!... Or Maybe I Will.

Chronilogically I am an adult, but in all other respects I feel like a flaming adolescent. For a very long time I thought my refusal to grow up was the secret to life that I had and all those stuffy grown up zombies out there somehow missed., lately I have been evaluating things in my life and I realized something terrifying. If I am to be more than a failure I am going to have to become some kind of grown up. The very idea of it gives me shivers up my spine and makes me a little sick to my stomach. BUT, when I asked myself what I need to do in order to build on my art and my body of work in general, I came up with the fact that I am way to irresponsible with the things that I consider to be my purpose for being alive. I have tons of paintings that sit undone, or haven't even started but are ideas written in a dusty notebook. I have more notebooks full of outlines for short stories, errant chapters of novels, and stubs of would be poems. Then there are my songs, which are the most sacred to me, and therefore the part of my work that I am the most cowardly about. Letting things that are important fall off into space unfinished, and being a straight up coward are what people who refuse to grow up do. Learning to finish what I started and having the balls to face what is truly important are things that a grown up does. So, here I go, one project at a time, I am going to become a grown up. BUT, I am still never going to get old!!! FTW!!!